Yesterday was horrible. I cried in like all my classes, and I don’t even know why. Some people saw me and asked what was wrong and it was really embarrassing. I also felt really dizzy and like I was gonna pass out every few seconds (I feel like that today too). It went on all day. It’s because I ran out of my meds again and I guess my body is like freaking out without them.
When I got home from school, my sister, mom, and I went to Target. I got a swim suit. It’s really cute, but I don’t want to wear it. I never wear swim suits anymore because I’m extremely uncomfortable in them. But my mom said I had to because our relatives are coming in two weeks, and we’re going to go swimming and kayaking and shit. I am REALLY scared to wear a swim suit. My Aunt and cousin are even going to live with us for about four months until she finds a house here (because she just got a divorce and wants to start over).
After Target, my parents and I went furniture shopping. I got a milkshake, which ended up to be a really bad idea. Ever since my eating disorder started, any form of ice cream has been my number one fear food. I like ice cream, but every time I have it, I usually end up purging. But I was out with my family, so I couldn’t. I started having an anxiety attack. On the way home, I kept trying to fight tears. When I got home, I skyped my boyfriend who was at his friends house. I started to feel really lonely and like I wasn’t wanted by anyone so I started to cry. I felt a little suicidal last night.
Anyway, today is my sister’s prom. She’s really excited and I’m happy for her.
Tomorrow is going to be SO great! I’m going to a rave with my rave family. We’re gonna drive down to SD, smoke a couple bowls, have a picnic maybe, then go to the rave. Afterward, we’re all going to come back to my house.
On Sunday, I’m going to a rave with my lovely rave family. It’s going to be so great! I’m having horrible rave withdraws because I haven’t raved in four months! That’s the longest I’ve ever gone without going to a rave since I started. I miss the vibes so much.
Today I smoked a bowl, meditated, and now I’m about to work out for a bit:)
I live right by a bar. Like, it’s literally 20 feet from my house. At 1 am last night, I woke up to a man angrily yelling. Then I heard another guy go “Hey man, you’re drunk. Go home.” But the other man kept yelling and threatening the guy. I could tell these two guys were right behind my house in the alley. Every once in a while, I could hear the loud noise of something slamming against the dumpster in the alley like they were fighting physically.
I got up and opened the door to my room the same exact time my sister walked out of her room. She told me the guys were so loud that they woke her up too. We listened, and continued to hear them argue violently. Then all of sudden, we heard one of the men jump over our fence and run across the rocks in our backyard. We were both so scared at this point. If the man was in our yard, and the door to the garage was unlocked, then he could get in our house. So we ran downstairs to lock the door and tried to be as sneaky as we could cause we didn’t want him to see us through the sliding glass door that goes to the backyard. My mom rushed downstairs cause she had also been woken up. She called the cops and told them there was a drunk man in our backyard. Apparently some other cops had already been notified of the fight cause right at that moment, two police officers knocked on the door. We let them in and they said they had to go in our backyard, so they did.
Yea, so anyway three arrests had been made.
It was scary.
